Poem: Howard and the Details (Revision) Comments welcome. Please let me know what you think?

Well, Here's the new version. I hope it's better, and hasn't lost anything that worked before. Feedback welcome?



Howard and the Details



They never noticed

the details.

Jane Russell had

four nipples.

Peas were

different sizes.

Peaches were

dirty, dirty, dirty.

Germs crawl

all over your face,



hands, touch

food with those?



Make the peaches

dirtier.



They didn’t pay attention.

Bette Davis’ bed was covered

in orchids, not gardenias.

Tiny blisters on the palms?

Syphilis! No, film editing.

Mason jars—perfect for storing

urine, and TV

dinners should always

remove that soggy-cherry thing.

Peach cobbler is better.



They didn’t know

what to do.

Fix the blouse;

it’s an engineering problem.

Line them up

use a fork for perspective.

To prevent sores

Mop with lye.

Burn the double-breasted tuxedo,

and all white dinner jackets.

Remember old clothes

are more friendly.



And if I’m going

to eat those things?



Scrub off the label!

Clean the bare metal

of the can. Be careful

with the fork; don’t touch

anything else. Did you remember

to cover your hands

with six Kleenex (not five or seven)?



They didn’t notice. They didn’t listen.

And the damn plane was birch

not spruce.
Poem: Howard and the Details (Revision) Comments welcome. Please let me know what you think?
Well done my friend. This is an excellent revision. You caught the nature of his madness even more adeptly than before! I like the movie star references, it gives context for both the time period and the glamorous life he had before his descent. Did Jane Russell really have four nipples?
Reply:Well done, Todd. Kudos and gold starred!
Reply:What can I possibly say? I'm totally knocked over. This is fantastic. I've read it 3x. I love, peas were different sizes. Oh, there's so much I love about this poem.
Reply:short answer

i like it!

Cool!

keep Writting!
Reply:Thinking there is more to be explored than anything else.

What a ripe subject and vast orchard to harvest.

Margot



Added: The book arrived this afternoon. :)
Reply:This keeps getting better. I love the way you juxtapose him with the "media him." Outstanding!
Reply:I enjoyed this piece greatly!



I am of the young old age and know of long nailed Howie.



You get a star from me.
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